Sharing with you my article for the March 2019 issue of Kerygma Magazine about my favorite saying about parenting, “The proof of the pudding is in the eating.” and how confidence in your children can help you in your parenting journey. Read on.
“The proof of the pudding is in the eating”
(Confidence is a virtuous cycle)
by Rose Fres Fausto
The saying “The proof of the pudding is in the eating.” is one of my favorites. It means the real value of something can be judged only from the practical experience or results and not from the appearance or theory.
I sometimes call my sons my puddings. I guess it’s because my credibility as a resource person in parenting is derived from them. I am not saying that they are perfect. I shared with you their mischiefs in Raising Pinoy Boys, but I’m proud of how each one turned out as a young adult.
People who write parenting books are usually those who studied child development, experts who work closely with families and learn from different cases of child rearing, or maybe a celebrity who just gave birth and got a book deal to share her experiences as a parent, never mind if she’s not yet done baking her pudding yet! ?
I’m none of the above. I was an investment banker turned full-time homemaker who sort of recorded her experiences raising her sons through her journals. This gave me the gift of time to be more purposeful. I was not always in a hurry anymore. I had a bit more time reading and learning about the most important task at hand, attending talks and seminars on weekdays, “recording my findings” through my journals. Most importantly, I was able to use unhurried time listening, observing and responding accordingly to each child’s unique needs. You see, I even had time to teach them how to prepare their own Balance Sheet as early as grade school! ?
The gift of confidence also helped me in my parenting. I saw how they succeeded and failed while they were growing up. Even if I know that they will continue to fail and despair as they live their respective adult lives now, I just have this confidence that they will be alright. This does not mean that I don’t worry about them anymore. I still do. But I am confident that whatever they face, they will be able to confront it and come out even stronger men.
That is my wish for all parents – the gift of confidence in their children. But when I suggest this to some parents they sometimes say, “It’s different in your case, your sons are all confident.” I think this is like asking the question, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Which came first – your children’s confidence or your confidence in them?
Showing confidence in our children is not a mere showering of “You’re so good! You’re the best!” In fact, when overdone, false praises are detrimental to confidence building as they will definitely feel the disparity between what their parents say and what others say. Confidence building is embracing both their strengths and weaknesses and making them feel that they will be alright.
Another confidence-killer is that common and exaggerated “I just want my kids to be happy” mantra which is usually done at all costs, depriving the child of the opportunity to taste hardships, overcome them and consequently, build confidence.
Confidence building entails restraint in providing all the pleasures you can afford to your children. Confidence building is allowing some form of “hunger” to be experienced by our children.
Confidence building is allowing our children to fight their own battles. Thank God, I didn’t have to march to school complaining like a rabid mother hen why they didn’t get this and that grade or why this kid (or teacher) was bullying them. Don’t get me wrong, I attended PTCs (Parent Teacher Conferences) and had dialogues with school authorities but I always gave the boys the “right of first refusal” to tackle their problem. When they came home complaining, “Ma, teacher is not fair because…” I would always ask them, “Would you want me to talk to teacher?” Almost always, their answer was, “No, I’ll be the one.”
I was conscious that we were raising boys to become men and I wanted to make sure that my constant presence in their life won’t turn them into wimps! Despite our full support, we allowed them to fight their own battles, and also be accountable for the consequences of their actions.
Source of Confidence. Come to think of it, I had this confidence not because I thought I was very good at parenting but because there was a power out there that I can tap. I remember reminding my sons, “When you are facing a great challenge, and you feel that everything fails including Papa and Mama’s love, always remember that God’s love never fails.”
My prayer is that this will always guide them so that even if we won’t be around anymore, they will never lose hope and faith.
So how’s your pudding so far? For all you know, all you need is just a little more confidence in your baking. ?
- Learn about my story of how I transformed from being an investment banker to a full-time homemaker. What were the challenges I encountered? How did I face the stigma of “Housewife lang?” Join us in this interesting and personal story-filled episode!
(Songs Used: Whitney Houston – I’m Every Woman, Apo Hiking Society – Ewan, Apo Hiking Society – Panalangin)
For any questions and comments, e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Stream the episode now!
- Catch me as I give a talk o Financial Management for Metro.Style Office Tours! See you on March 18, 2019 (Monday), 10:00am-12:00nn at B1 Forum, globe Tower, BGC Taguig City.
- Thanks to those who already bought the FQ Book, especially to those who took the time out to send me their feedback. Your feedback is food for my soul. To those who have not gotten their copy yet, here’s a short preview of FQ: The nth Intelligence
(Caption under thumbnail: You may now purchase the book in major bookstores, or if you want autographed copies, please go to FQ Mom FB page (click SHOP), or FQMom.com (click BOOKS), or email us at FQMomm@gmail.com
- Want to know where your FQ stands? Take the FQ Test Challenge now! Click link. http://rebrand.ly/FQTest
Rose Fres Fausto is a speaker and author of bestselling books Raising Pinoy Boys and The Retelling of The Richest Man in Babylon (English and Filipino versions). Click this link to read samples – Books of FQ Mom. She is a Behavioral Economist, Certified Gallup Strengths Coach and the grand prize winner of the first Sinag Financial Literacy Digital Journalism Awards. Follow her on Facebook & YouTube as FQ Mom, and Twitter & Instagram as theFQMom. Her latest book is FQ: The nth Intelligence.