So how did you spend your Valentine’s Day yesterday? Did all your plans work well? I hope you did not have to burn your wallet to express your love and romance.
Romance is the feeling of excitement and pleasure associated with love. While we cannot expect our love life to be romantic 24/7, regular doses of it are very important in keeping a successful and lasting relationship.
Some may cringe at PDA (Public Display of Affection), cheesiness and other romantic gestures with excuses such as “I’m not the romantic type.” or “Am I not fulfilling all my obligations as a good partner?” or “Romance is for teenagers! We’re too old for that!”
Nobody should get too old for romance. My 88-year old father picked up a gumamela from their garden and serenaded my 86-year old mother on Valentine’s Day morning!
The role of romance is to help sustain our loving relationship. Romantic gestures appeal to our emotions. And emotions are what we remember more. Maya Angelou said, “At the end of the day, people won’t remember what you said or did but will remember how you made them feel?” Her statement is backed up by studies that show that emotions heighten human recall.
So no matter how well you provide for your family and perform the other duties of a partner, you are still better off giving wonderful surprises, well thought out (and properly executed) expressions of love to help your partner remember your love, especially in times of trials and other challenges.
I did a mini-survey on romance. I asked the following questions:
- How important is romance in your relationship? Scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest
- What’s the most romantic thing(s) your partner does/has done for you?
Are you satisfied with his/her romantic gestures? (Scale of 1-10)
- What’s the most romantic thing(s) you have done for your partner? Do you think he/she is satisfied with your romantic gestures? (Scale of 1-10)
- What’s your craziest romantic fantasy?
I was happy to see the results. Romance is alive! The importance of romance to the participants garnered a high average of 9.3/10, with one respondent even giving it a score of 11! They are also satisfied with the romantic gestures they receive from and give to their partners with average scores of over 9/10 as well. I wish to share some of the answers with you:
Most romantic gestures done by the partner:
- He wrote a song for me.
- He proposed on Christmas eve with two engagement rings!
- Cheesy notes clipped under the wipers of my car.
- I’m the independent type of person but I appreciate it when he helps me out with cooking and other things to do at home. He would say, “Just leave it there, I’ll take care of it.”
- He would arrange our anniversary celebration.
- He proposed to me on our first date! (I asked, “What? You didn’t get scared? )
- One time he asked me to take the cab when I brought my kids to the hospital. I actually felt bad because he could have just dropped us off. But when he came to fetch us, he surprised me with an advanced birthday gift, my first car, a wine red MX Mitsubishi sedan in 2000!
- His lust for me never changed, no matter what size and shape I’m in! Good thing that as I get older, I’m more able to keep up with his appetite.
- We’re not the typical romantic couple but I find it romantic when instead of giving me flowers and chocolates, he generously allows me, or should I say, he pushes me to buy expensive bags for myself. I also found it romantic when he gave me a nice car.
- When I was in Washington DC, he travelled all the way from Hawaii just to meet my family for the first time. Then he flew back the following morning. So he spent more time travelling than staying in the US. (A for effort and romance.)
- He travelled between islands almost every weekend para manligaw (to court me) and then for nearly two years of island-crossing for our relationship, so we could go out on a date, despite the weather (cold, windy, foggy), despite flight cancellations. (A+ for effort and romance.)
- When I got very sick, my husband was my private dancer, I mean nurse! Seriously, he fed me, bathed me, carried me, held and read to me the newspaper.
Most romantic gestures you have done for your partner:
- I wrote him a poem on our anniversary.
- I sent him a singing telegram (do you remember this fad before?) performed in his office on his birthday.
- After doing something that hurt him, I went to his house and gave him roses.
- He grew up not celebrating birthdays with a party in a fancy way. I threw him a surprise birthday party with all the works: lights off, birthday cake, balloons, etc. I can still remember the surprise on his face!
- I arranged for us to spend one Valentine’s Day in an old Hollywood inspired room at Victoria Court.
- On his birthday, I sent his gift to his office. It was wrapped in a small box and when he opened it, it was my pregnancy test that said “Positive!” He was ecstatic!
- I always give him small surprises but his recent favorite is when I serenaded him with his favorite songs on his milestone birthday together with the kids playing the string orchestra.
- I think it might not sound romantic but I try my best to be a good business partner, wife and friend to my husband.
- When he went to Japan without me, I hid several love notes and hearts everywhere: his pocket in his pants, jackets, suits, inside the luggage, etc. That way, he’d feel that I was still with him.
- I send him sexy messages even if we’re both at home.
- When I make the first move.
- I must say that the most romantic thing I do for him is… to regularly have a Brazilian wax!
Craziest Romantic Fantasy:
- Do it by the beach.
- Ride on a Harley Davidson with my honey along Patapat road, smelling the breeze of the South China sea before sunset.
- The two of us alone on an isolated island.
- Go back to Venice, our honeymoon place. We fell in love with that place and I want us to go back and really explore and experience the city more, doing all the adventures we can do.
- More trips to romantic places abroad and do sexy time under the stars.
- Skinny dipping.
- Go on a one-week vacation and make love under the moon in a private island exclusively for us.
- Celebrate our wedding anniversary in Cana or Rome and exchange vows officiated by the Pope!
- OMG! You should have asked that question 10 years ago. These days, we seem to enjoy doing yoga and golf more than sex!
- A more subtle but equally exciting 50 Shades of Grey style in the kitchen, similar to the movie of Bruce Willis entitled Perfect Stranger. They made love on the kitchen counter and it was so hot! The problem is our kitchen is the most guarded place in our house as that’s where our helpers usually stay.
Romance helps couples bond, have fun, become more intimate even after the courtship years and into the sometimes stressful and mundane days of married life. In fact, because of these realities of married life, we have to use romance all the more! Each partner has his/her own love language as you can see from the above answers. Pay close attention to each other’s love language so all these romantic gestures become effective ways of expressing your love. Here are the five basic love languages:
- Words of Affirmation – Some people feel the love most when you give them words of affirmation and praise. It’s more than just a feedback mechanism for them but an assertion that what they are doing is great and articulating so is how they validate love both ways.
- Quality Time – Some people feel the love most when you give them undivided attention. This does not mean mere physical togetherness and being on your respective gadgets. It means looking into each other’s eyes, communicating, walking, doing activities and actively engaging each other.
- Acts of Service – Some people feel the love most when you render service to them like cook, clean, or any form of helping hand that you can offer. To them, these gestures are a sign that you want to ease their burden because you care.
- Physical Touch – Some people feel the love most through touch. They are sometimes called the touchy-feely people who love to hold hands, hug, touch and other physical modes of expression. To them touch is a very powerful way to communicate emotional love.
- Gifts – Some people feel the love most when they receive gifts. They are the visible and tangible expressions of love and speak the loudest for them. They think, “Wow! He/She thought about me!” regardless of the cost of the gift.
Chances are, we used romance to win the love and commitment of our partner at the start of our relationship. Nobody should get too old for romance. Use it often because a great relationship is an everyday winning and committing to one another. Cheers to ongoing romance well into our lolo/lola days!
- Join me today at 12:10 pm as we discuss more about romance in FQ Live! Please go to FQ Mom Facebook page – (Click and join!)
- One of the things that diminish romance in marriage is the conflict on money matters. In fact, this is the number one cause of marital conflict. So get that out of the way by discussing money in a healthy manner with your partner. Take the FQ Test together. Click link to take the test.
- I will give a post Valentine talk to couples on setting and assessing financial goals together at the Frank & Dean Café in BGC on February 22, 2017. This is in cooperation with Pru Life for their Relationship Index project.
Rose Fres Fausto is a speaker and author of bestselling books Raising Pinoy Boys and The Retelling of The Richest Man in Babylon (English and Filipino versions). Click this link to read samples – Books of FQ Mom Rose Fres Fausto. She is a Behavioral Economist, Certified Gallup Strengths Coach and the grand prize winner of the first Sinag Financial Literacy Digital Journalism Awards. Follow her on Facebook and You Tube as FQ Mom, and Twitter & Instagram as theFQMom.
ATTRIBUTIONS: Thank you to those who participated in my mini-survey on romance. Images from wallpaper-gallery.net and clipart put together to help deliver the message.